


(all i know) is that life would suck without you

by oncewewerezombies



Series: Summer lo+wvin month [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Awkward Dates, Beforus (Homestuck), Cute, F/M, Murphy's Law, Teenage Dorks, a pair of bisexual disasters, possible prejudice, references to hemocaste
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-23 23:52:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19712065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oncewewerezombies/pseuds/oncewewerezombies
Summary: Cronus takes Porrim on a date.Things don't go to plan.





	(all i know) is that life would suck without you

**Author's Note:**

> Week 1: Date Night

The night hadn't gone what you might colloquially call 'well'. Exactly.

It'd gone real fuckin shitty, that was what Cronus was thinking. Meeting Porrim at her house, picking her up and escorting her to his classic top of the line scuttlebuggy had been about the last thing that had gone right, besides his hair. His hair still looked _great_. 

The restaurant had lost their booking. Then once he'd argued their way into being seated even though they were booked out, Porrim's salad had had a bug in it. Then when they took the plates back, it was obvious that they'd just brought back the same fucking plates and they'd both had to get a little _aggressive_ about getting some actual service, and probably been blacklisted from the restaurant. Pity, he'd liked the place before this. Like he didn't want to put it down to somethin, Kankri said he oughtta be workin at thinking the best a people instead of the worst, but sometimes trolls got a little _weird_ about serving jades, especially ones who were obviously already passed over the rainbow line.

When they'd gone back to his car, suddenly it had rained like nothing else and they hadn't even _predicted_ rain when he'd checked the forecast after getting out of his recuperacoon. Something like that shoulda been on their fucking radar, so someone wasn't doing their job properly. That's what he was thinking here!

They'd just gotten into his scuttlebuggy while shaking off the wet from the unexpected downpour, and he carefully re-orientated his rear-vision mirror, not looking at Porrim while he was taking care of this very important thing. It didn't really need it, but he did it anyway so he wasn't looking at the way Porrim's make up was running down her cheeks. His shirt was soaked and clinging to his body, because he'd given her his jacket before they left the restaurant. Thankfully, they'd finally made a hair-wax that was pretty much fucking cement and made for seadwellers or his 'do would be looking as limp and lifeless as hers was right now. He was very carefully keeping on not looking at her, just fiddling with this very important rear-view mirror.

"Some date, huh?" he said finally, after a nervous gulping swallow to gather his nerve. He glanced over at her, and wondered if she was about to take his head off. Her face was turned away from him, shoulders shaking and Cronus felt his earfins flatten back against his skull as he reached out to put a hand on her shoulder. "Oh, Por, _babe_ , c'mon, it's not -"

Wait no. She wasn't crying, she was _laughing_.

His earfins pricked up as she glanced upwards at him, tilting his head a bit and trying to look like he was an invitin' and listening ear, et cetera, and Porrim made an absolutely fuckin' undignified squeaking noise as she fucking lost it. She grabbed onto him, his jacket still around her shoulders and buried her face against his shirt, probably wiping a good hundred caegars worth of makeup off onto his white shirt but he just kind of patted her back helplessly as he waited for her to come back to her senses. 

"Oh my fuck, _your face_ ," Porrim wheezed gently against his chest, one hand slapping him on the shoulder gently and repetitively. The gearstick was kind of digging into his hip there, the way she'd pulled him over so she could hide her whole face and use his body to do it, but he didn't really mind. "You - _your fins_ -"

"Yeah, yeah, real funny, c'mon," he grumbled but at least she wasn't actually crying, like he'd first thought with a sickening swoop of his hungersack that she might be. Cronus petted at her shoulder until she stopped choking on her laughter and pulled back away from him, wiping at her eyes. He felt his whole insides shiver with pity and swallowed, before catching onto his train of thought again. Rescue the date somehow, yeah. "...so..."

"Yes, Cronus?" she said, pretending to severity but he could see the laughter just aching in her and waiting to bust out again. He loved to see her like that, smiling. Laughing. The way the moonlight was glinting off her lipring was real fucking sexy too. Cod, how had he got this fucking lucky?

"You wanna grab a milkshake or something from a drive through? Dinner kinda sucked," he suggested, and felt his grin blossom to match hers as she nodded, smiled. "Listen, I didn't mean for things to turn out like they did..." Before he could keep on apologising, her fingers were against his mouth and he shut up. Swallowing tightly. 

"I still had fun, and a milkshake sounds great, Cronus," she said, and Cronus resisted the urge to lick her fingers. Boy she was. Wow. Really fucking something. "Let's not waste any more of the night."

"Yes, ma'am," he purred as she took her hand away and she sat back, posing as regal as a queen in the passenger seat of his sweet ride. Damn. He took a moment to enjoy the look of her, traces of smeared mascara and all, while she ran her fingers through her hair to try and get it back to something like presentable. "One milkshake comin' right up."

Throwing his arm over the back of her seat, he looked back over his shoulder to reverse out of the parking space, and head off to grab a cheap and shitty milkshake. It wasn't what you did, it was who you did it with, right? Yeah. And besides, it wasn't like anything else could go wrong.

Unseen by either of one of them, a parking ticket slip that had blown out from under his windshield wiper fluttered briefly where it had been pinned to a lamp post. Ink running, turning it into a smear and the whole thing into rubbish. Another gust of wind grabbed a corner and ripped it off the metal, sending it soaring into the night. Consequences of parking in a hourly spot for more than an hour to be discovered at a later date.


End file.
